Coercive control is a long term and consistent pattern of behaviour that disempowers, manipulates, and oppresses a spouse or partner in an intimate relationship.
Typically, the perpetrator of coercive control is male (supported by the statistics) and the victim is his female spouse or partner. The perpetrator perceives his partner as vulnerable and easy to oppress and exploit. He usually has a history of tormenting or frightening past female partners but there may be little or no police involvement such as apprehended domestic violence orders.
For a long time, we have believed that domestic or family violence was primarily physical in nature and was behavior that was an individual behaviour such as a physical or sexual assault. The truth however is that before physical or sexual assault occurs in an intimate relationship it is often preceded by years of a pattern of emotional, psychological, financial, and social control and manipulation.
Coercive control is not easily identifiable or detectable. Unlike physical or sexual assault, there are no physical bruises or indication that an assault or abuse has occurred.
Today we recognise coercive control as a consistent pattern of behaviour that is designed to disempower, frighten, and dominate a spouse or partner in an intimate relationship. It is a situation where the perpetrator manipulates a victim to such an extent that the victim loses their autonomy and independence.
The NSW Parliament has passed the Crimes Legislation Amendment (Coercive Control) Act 2022 (the Act), which makes coercive control between current and former intimate partners a criminal offence. In doing so, NSW has become the first Australian state or territory to create a stand-alone offence for coercive control.
The data and research confirm that women are mainly the victims of coercive control. Their male partners use methods such as:
– Isolation from friends, family, colleagues
– Controlling the environment
– Generating fear
– Deprivation of sleep, money, and children
– Small treats or ‘wins’
– Crazy making
– Promises and threats
– Jealous rages
Coercive control is sinister, secretive, and very dangerous. It is a dark, depressing, and debilitating plight on our women, children, and families and on our community. The social science research and data supports the view that coercive control is a massive red flag and a precursor to the potential domestic homicide of women and with one woman a week being murdered by her partner or former partner.
At Cominos Family lawyers we specialise in coercive control matters when divorce or separation happens. We understand that the short period following separation is dangerous and important to protect our clients.
We ensure that:
i. All communication is highly confidential.
ii. Any agreements made are practical and safe.
iii. We settle matters as quickly and cost-effectively as possible.
Below is a table – which outlines the methods, the effect, and an example of the coercive control behaviour in abusive intimate relationships.
| Method | Effect | Example of Coercive Control |
| Isolation | Breaking social connections. | Forbidding a partner to visit her parents. ‘Why do you need to see your parents all the time, aren’t I enough’. |
| Control the environment and communication | To show that the perpetrator is powerful and dominating. |
Forcing a spouse to sleep in the car alone and overnight and remove the car keys or locking the spouse in the home without a way out. Installing cameras around the home and saying that its for ‘her protection’. |
| Deprive sleep and create exhaustion | Break down the physical and mental resilience. | Wakes up the spouse several times a night to interrogate her or demand sex. |
| Threaten physical and sexual harm | To create a dread and sense of fear. Physically and sexually hurt her for his own sense of power, dominance, and satisfaction. | Threaten to kill or abduct children or threaten suicide if she leaves. |
| Parade himself as powerful and almighty | Present as the ‘good guy’ to friends, neighbours, and family. The effect is to cast any doubts on the victim’s actual reality. | Tells her that she has no-where to go and no-one will believe her. |
| Degradation | Erodes self-esteem and self-worth privately and in the presence of others. | Calling her names such as ‘hopeless’, ‘ugly’ and ‘stupid’. |
| Enforces trivial ‘rules’ and demands | Makes up rules and demands and demands strict compliance. | Demands that she serves his dinner at a specific time. |
| Rare indulgences given | Rewards the compliance and makes her feel like she is ‘mis-reading’ the situation. | Offering to clean up after dinner with her family. |