Trying to understand what is happening in your relationship is challenging and often leaves people feeling insecure, as they grapple with the changes that may be coming.

Insecurity can show up in many ways from non-verbal communication (eye rolling or dismissive hand gestures) to words that are spoken.

In this article, we look at the 5 phrases that indicate insecurities in a relationship.

1. ‘Do you still love me?’

This may sound simple enough, yet when we delve deeper, the question “Do you still love me?” can indicate insecurity. When someone When someone repeatedly seeks reassurance about their partner’s love, it may suggest a deep-seated fear of inadequacy or an underlying anxiety about the stability of the relationship.

While occasional affirmations are normal, frequent inquiries of this nature may signal a lack of self-assurance and a need for constant validation.

Often individuals who ask this question may be dealing with past disappointments and personal doubts. These unresolved feelings are projected onto their partner, and they question everything.

How to overcome this?

The most effective way to deal with this question, is to open a dialogue about why this question is being asked. With sensitivity, reassurance and care your emotional bond with your partner can be strengthened.

2. ‘Who are you talking too?’

Although this is an innocent question when asked in the right context, in other circumstances it can be an indicator of insecurity and jealousy. A partner may feel insecure and may convince themselves that you are looking elsewhere to find love and attention.

Unfortunately, this question needs close monitoring, especially if it is being asked each time you make a call, send a text or speak to another person.

An insecure partner will see these actions as threats to the relationship.

How to overcome this?

In addition to addressing your concerns about this question, it may be very prudent that individually and as a couple you seek relationship counselling. The early you can nip this behaviour in the bud, the greater chance your relationship will have of surviving this insecure behaviour.

3. ‘Why are you spending time with them instead of me?’

This question indicates something may be seriously wrong in the relationship. When a partner questions the allocation of time and expresses their discontent about their partner’s social interactions, it may indicate a fear of abandonment or feelings of inadequacy.

Insecure individuals may struggle with the idea that their partner could find someone else more appealing, leading to attempts to control or limit their partner’s social activities.

How to overcome this?

Healthy relationships thrive on trust and independence. Addressing these insecurities early with a professional coach or counsellor will help break the cycle of jealousy and possessiveness.

If your partner refused to engage with professional help and follow through this may be a sign that your relationship is beyond repair.

4. “Why do you take so long to respond to me?”

An insecure partner will observe everything that you do, including how long it takes for you to respond to a text message or phone call. People with low self-esteem typically want immediate and instant reassurance that they are top of mind for their partner and to them an immediate response reassures their fears.

An insecure partner whose messages have not been instantly responded too, will typically think one of 2 things:

i. You are cheating on them.
ii. They did something wrong.

Consequently, you may receive a barrage of messages that question why you are not responding and seeking your explanation.

How to overcome this?

Similarly, to the above, this behaviour needs to be addressed quickly and directly. If you are the recipient of an insecure partner who demands an instant response, then you need to communicate what the reasonable times of response may be and seek an agreement from your partner that they will understand and know that your slow response does not indicate that you are unfaithful or that there is something wrong,

5. ‘I don’t think you really care about me.’

This is a concerning statement to make and to hear. The sentence “I don’t think you really care about me’ is an expression of doubt and can signal deep seated insecurities about the relationship.

When someone questions the authenticity of their partner’s feelings or believes they are not being adequately prioritized, it may reflect a fear of rejection or abandonment. Insecure individuals may struggle to internalize acts of love and kindness, leading to a constant search for validation.

How to overcome this?

This question requires building emotional security in the relationship. It may be that you both work together to create secure foundations for your relationship. Setting shared goals such as spending regular time together as a couple doing things you enjoy may be the beginning of cultivating trust and understanding.


Recognizing and addressing insecurities within a relationship is a crucial step toward fostering a healthy and fulfilling connection.

The 5 phrases mentioned above serve as potential indicators of underlying issues that, when acknowledged and addressed, can lead to personal and relational growth.

Open communication, trust-building, and mutual support are key elements in overcoming insecurities and building a resilient and satisfying partnership.

By understanding these phrases and working together to address the root causes, couples can create a stronger foundation for a lasting and fulfilling relationship.


Cominos Family Lawyers (CFL) was established in 2010. Since this time, we believe in a world where people divorce and separate with dignity, respect, and care. It is our mission to deliver clear, timely and relatable advice for all our clients.
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The content provided here is general information. It is not intended to be relied upon for the legal advice.