How to Divorce Smart?

With one in three marriages ending in divorce and over 40,000 children under the age of 18 experiencing the effects of divorce, we need to think smart about how to divorce. For people considering divorce, there is a lot to think about and we know that the decision to divorce is not made easily.

People spend many months, even years considering the effects of divorce, especially where young children are involved or where marriages are long.

So what does it mean to think smart about the way you divorce?

It simply means to take a pragmatic and conciliatory approach to resolving the issues that arise during this difficult time and not to take an aggressive or adversarial attitude.

No matter who initiates the separation or whether the separation is mutual, people will experience distress, sometimes guilt and upset. Divorce is not a happy time and for this reason the process needs to be managed with care and sensitivity.

If you have come to that final realisation that your marriage or relationship is over then consider the following:

Manage your emotions

Going through a divorce brings up grief and uncertainty and these emotions need to be managed carefully. Counselling or some kind of therapy is recommended, so that emotions such as anger, betrayal or hurt, which arise commonly during divorce can be discussed and worked through.

This is the time to be smart and to choose the right people to help you grieve the loss of your relationship. Talking to friends and family may seem like an easy option, but you may end up becoming more confused or not getting the right support that you need. You may also get fed information that is entirely inaccurate and counter-productive.

Look at the big picture

It’s easy when going through a divorce to want to look at the past and dwell on all the things you gave up or gave to the marriage and want your ex to recognise or be acknowledged for. Well just forget that and look at your future, look forward and see the big picture, so that you can get the best result possible for yourself.

We’ve all heard the phrase “don’t sweat the small stuff” and this more than ever applies in dealing with the issues that need to be sorted when going through a divorce.

Looking at the big picture will save you hundreds if not thousands of dollars in your lawyers bills too!

Get a lawyer who is pro-mediation

The family lawyer you choose will make all the difference in your negotiations and your ability to move through the period of uncertainty and any disagreement with your ex -spouse.

Choose a lawyer who advises mediation or round table discussions as a way of working through the complexity of your matters. The last thing you want is a lawyer who approaches your matters with aggressiveness or wants to fight with your ex’s lawyer.

That may sound appealing at first, but in the long run, you will be left with enormous legal bills and an irreparable relationship with your ex, and this is not what you want, especially where children are involved.

Consider the needs of your children

As a family lawyer who has expertise in child custody matters, the primary principle that governs how we decide parenting arrangements for children, is looking at what is in their best interests and of course this means as a parent, listening to your children, if they are old enough to speak with you about the separation and the impact it is having on their lives.
If your children are young, then consider the needs of your children. A one year old child for example has very different needs to a 10 year old. Use common sense, be child focused and never use children as pawns.

Research has shown consistently over the years that children cope with their parents separating, what they do not cope with is constant bickering between their parents and disharmony and upheaval that litigation brings on.

The children caught in the middle of their parent’s battles are at risk of developing anti-social behaviour, dependence issue, mental health problems and problems coping at school.

Exposing children to conflict is a form of harm to children and is absolutely not smart divorce!

5 reasons why smart divorce is the best option?

It makes good sense to choose smart divorce as a way to deal with your parenting, financial and property matters and there are 5 reasons why this is so

  1. The Family Court system unfortunately has long delays, it can take up to three years to have your matter dealt with by the Court
  2. Increased legal costs, with delays come increased legal fees and further financial pressure being placed on divorcing couples, especially with children.
  3. Uncertainty of outcomes at Court, where a third party is making decisions about you, your children and financial matters , then there is a high chance that needs of you or your children will not necessarily be satisfied. Often the experience of people who have gone through the Court system is unpleasant, confronting and negative. Children who are involved in long and drawn out proceedings are more often than not hurt by the experience.
  4. Courts have an expectation that even though you have made an application to have your issues decided by them, that you and your ex can reach agreement without a decision by the Court having to be made. In parenting and property matters , you will be required to attend some kind of conciliation or mediation to sort out the problems, so you may have as well make a genuine go of mediation or alternative dispute resolution before you run off to Court.
  5. The feeling of success and empowerment that comes with sorting out your parenting and financial matters without having to go to Court is immeasurable. This will be something you can tell your kids and family and friends and be proud of the fact that even though your marriage did not work, you were still able to work your divorce.

Cominos Family Lawyers specialise in all divorce, parenting , property division and we service the following areas:

  • Double Bay Family Lawyer
  • Bondi Junction Family Lawyer
  • Sydney CBD Family Lawyer
  • Best Family Lawyer